Anxiety

We all like to think we know exactly what anxiety is and how it affects the individual, but the truth is that it’s such a fickle concept and there are so many shapes and forms of the nervous disorder that it’s hard to speak on behalf of every anxiety sufferer out there. How do I know this? I had anxiety for most the part of my teenage life. 

I can’t speak on behalf of everyone, but this is what would happen to me whenever I was faced with episodes of anxiety: it would feel as if I received a great big rush of adrenaline, my breathing and heart-rate would increase, my throat would tighten, and my hands would begin to shake uncontrollably. I would feel a twisted pain in my stomach. This happened every single time. I never knew what brought it on. At school, I would ask to leave the class and rush to the bathrooms, splash my face with water and calm myself down. In public places it would sometimes get to the point where I would have to sit on the side of the road and just calm myself down. I never had any idea what was happening to my body and why it was happening. 

I still, to this day, cannot pinpoint the one thing that set off my anxiety. However, I do know that my anxiety became a lot worse whenever I was faced with situations I had no control over. This was things that are a part of normal everyday life, such as catching public transport, or going to high school and not knowing what work was going to be set, or even just visiting a cafe you have never been to. The first episodes of my anxiety were realised in 2007 when I was in America. I was in Disneyland - ‘the happiest place on earth’ - and had to find park benches in the crammed park so that I could sit down and calm myself down from all of the chaos. This would happen so frequently that I began worrying about what was happening to me. 

Matters became significantly worse in 2011. I had reached VCE and, as a perfectionist, felt overwhelmed by the increase in workload and difficulty of the subject matter. For someone who loved (and still loves) high school, it seems an odd thing to say, but there was a large part of 2011 where I woke up every school day not wanting to go because I knew that anxiety would take over my day. Whenever it was suggested that I visit a psychologist, I would refuse and break down because I thought that by seeing one I would be viewed as ‘having something wrong with me’. In hind-sight, if I had addressed my anxiety earlier on, it may not have affected me for as long as it did. I can’t stress enough the importance of addressing mental health in the early stages and finding a good support network.

Year 12 was a big challenge for me, but it was also one of the most valuable years of my life to date. It was the year that I overcame the severe effects of my anxiety. I made sure to involve myself in all of the things I used to love, such as inter-school sports and yearbook, and even apply for Valedictorian. The more I would involve myself in, the more I realised that being a part of different things opened up my mind to brilliant new concepts and skills that, had I not been a part of, would have been left completely unacknowledged. 

It’s easy for me to hold onto the idea that I found the strength to overcome my own problems, but I know that this isn’t the case for everyone. For me, I knew that - despite what was happening to my mind and body - I had that little bit of mental strength that would allow me to deal with what was happening to me, personally. It didn’t come easy, but I did conquer it. I had faith in myself to challenge my boundaries, and that resulted in a positive improvement to my mental health. I had a few people that knew about my anxiety that did help me along the way, too, whether they realised it or not. 

There are some positives that came out of my dealings with anxiety:

1. It allowed me to recognise that it is okay to not have complete control over things because - more often than not - you will be surrounded by others who have different skills and views to you, and you can work together to overcome any kind of obstacle that life throws at you. 
2. A teacher reminded me in year twelve that what was happening to me was a reminder that I think and feel so deeply, and I care about what I do. It is human to feel so intensely and passionately, and that isn't a bad thing. 

In attempt to lighten a relatively dark piece of writing, I’ll let you all know that the things that used to frighten me and hindered me from properly living is now what I thrive off; I love involving myself in as many new things as possible, and I will make a conscious effort to regularly challenge myself to ensure that I don’t revisit that dark and defeating state. I am now at a point where I am obviously still changing and growing, but am very content with the person I am becoming and the obstacles I have faced to reach where I am today. 

Know that hardships will inevitably take part in everyone’s life at some stage, and it is okay to have a ‘bad day’ every so often. Also know that waking up and being healthy each and every day is a blessing in itself, and for as many bad things that there are in this world, there is an even greater amount of good. Focus on what makes you feel like a valued and exceptional person, and thrive on that. Never feel that you are not good enough. At this current moment, you are the greatest you that you can be. 

-N

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If you’re feeling down or need support, Beyond Blue is a brilliant resource. 

Something that has turned my life upside down

As of this year, I have realised what I want to do for the rest of my life - photography. I don’t know how it happened but it all came at once. I recently got my very own ‘Nikon’ camera and it has changed my life. When I took that first photo on my camera my passion for photography became larger than I have ever felt. The photo was a close up of a small Daisy that I saw in my front garden. When I looked back at the photo I thought it was the prettiest photo I have ever seen. That might be a bit over dramatic but it’s the truth.

As I took more and more photo’s my eye’s saw nothing but beauty and what my future will consist of. The feeling when I take a photo might is very different when I take a photo on my phone or just using a regular camera. It makes me all bubbly on the inside and it makes me, me. Whenever I attach the lens onto my camera or when I press that button to take a photo I feel like I’m complete.

I see things better through a camera lens, everything is clearer, defined and is just so much more beautiful.

- Abbey

PRIDE

Every month my mum and I try to have a movie date night together. She is an avid movie watcher and a huge fan of Margaret and David At the Movies and she was distraught when it was announced the show would be cut (she was so distraught she changed into black that day... I wish that was a joke but its not.)

But I love going to see movies with her, she takes me to underrated, foreign and arty movies and she is always open minded and honest. So for this months movie she took me to see Pride, based on the true alliance of welsh miners with the gay and lesbian community in London during 1984. 

The actors were brilliant, so good in fact that I didn't recognise Ben Schnetzer who plays Mark in the movie who was once Max in The Book Thief. To put into perspective how good the acting actually was one of the main actors in the movie is Imelda Staunton, the lady infamous for playing Dolores Umbridge in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. I have detested her for years because I think I hated Dolores Umbridge more than I ever hated Voldemort, but this movie helped me reconcile her a little bit (and I have been holding that grudge for years.) 

But it really was just a fantastic movie. It's funny, it's heart felt and it's true. The storyline was simple and wonderful and it is only made better by the fact that this was something that actually happened. People helping people, not because they had to but because they saw an injustice.

-A

*Mosaik does not take any credit for the images used in this article

People Profile: Cathy O'Connor

My brother just recently walked into the kitchen to see me in my rarest state... cooking. (Well trying to cook) I was standing in the middle of the kitchen with sugar all over the floor, flour fogging the kitchen window, egg yolks dripping down the counter and a look of dismay on my face (which was also covered in flour.) I am definitely not a good cook and I only ever go into the kitchen to find food and occasionally pretend to cook so I can wear the vintage apron I bought once from a market. O is another person who also pretends to cook, she once bought cookies and cut them up and brought them to a party claiming to have made them (so I am not the only one). 

But our lives have been made a little easier when we discovered Phoenix Pantry. 

Phoenix Pantry was started by Cathy O'Connor along with her husband Vincent earlier this year and they make all us "fake it till you bake it" cooks look good. Phoenix Pantry get all the ingredients you need for a cookie mix, they measure them out, they put them neatly into a mason jar wrapped with a bow and then they sweetly name it after some classic tunes (I Kissed a Girl, Long Way to the Top, Strawberry Fields Forever) so all you have to do is add an ingredient or two, mix it up and then cook them in the oven and you can actually say you did bake them. 

-A

What matters most to you?

What matters the most is having no regrets. Wondering 'what if ? ' or 'if I only I had..' I believe in asking myself 'What is the worst case scenario?' I like to take a chance or give something a go. When I moved overseas for a few years, my 100 year old grandfather did not tell me to stay at home and get married and start a family. He said 'Go and see the world. There is more out there than this town'. He was right and I am so glad I took his advice, knowing I had his blessing. 

What makes you the happiest?

I am happiest when I am with my family and our puppy. After living overseas for so many years, you really appreciate the nights at home on the couch, with those you care about most.

What are you most excited about right now?

I am excited about the progress of our business we started in February 2014. My husband and family has supported me from the start and it is very exciting to see our products become so popular in such a short space of time. We are working on new ideas and expanding our product range and hope to see this grow into a full time venture for us. I am excited that I have finally taken the chance to start my own business and can be my own boss. I am also, of course, very excited about the arrival of our first born in January 2015!

If you could give someone one piece of advice, what would it be?

If you see it and you love it, buy it. I have surrounded myself with beautiful things I bought during my travels and I love the daily reminders of the amazing memories and experiences. I look at my fridge magnet collection every morning and smile. 

Do you believe things happen for a reason?

Yes and no. I believe your situation is determined by your own actions.

What is your favourite thing about living in Melbourne?

I love Melbourne more than I did 10 years ago. I appreciate the architecture and history more than ever. I can compare Melbourne to a lot of cities now and can say it truly is one the most beautiful cities in the world. I love that there is always something to do or somewhere to go. Having a background in Construction, I love to see new buildings and refurbishments happening around the CBD; it shows that Melbourne won't be left behind or become dated. 

What is your favourite place in Melbourne?

The Melbourne Town Hall. I always loved walking past the Town Hall and thought it was such a beautiful building. We were recently married on the balcony there and it was the best experience; to be able to combine my love of Melbourne and the biggest day of my life at once.

Check it out here: phoenix pantry website

*Mosaik does not take pictures for any of the images used in this article