To My Sister, Julia...

Lately, noticing my sister Julia enduring the pressures of her final year of secondary schooling, I have been reflecting on when I was in her position. There is so much anticipation to finish and do her best. I remember, about this time last year, when I felt exactly the same. I had one goal and that entire year was just about working towards a score that would determine where I would end up in life…or so that’s how I thought it was back then. I remember my life then and think about how differently driven I was. I was under the impression that my life would just be about work from there on…all I needed to do was work, and I suppose in some aspects I wasn’t wrong. My goals were to study hard, to get into the course of my dreams, to spend the next three years of my life at University and spend everyday with my then boyfriend. I felt that it was all I needed, that my life would be content, and it would be all smooth sailing from there.

When I was in my sister’s position it was such an exciting time of life, I thought. I was on the cusp of freedom and I could almost taste the sunshine of the summer creeping up. All I could dream about was spending it dancing in the sun, embracing my incumbent freedom and all the time life would give me. I wasn’t thinking about reality – the reality that I would learn about later on. It’s insane to think, even though it hasn’t even been a year yet, that my life would change so dramatically and that my experiences and decisions would have brought me one step closer to feeling like an adult, despite the fact that I have so much more to learn about the world. The year after school finishes wakes you up with a jolt. It teaches you who your real friends are, who you want to spend a huge part of your life with, what your true ambitions are. You meet incredible people who inspire you, you travel the world, and you can be a total dork if you need to be! You learn to make decisions that will benefit you in the long term, like saying goodbye to old friends, your girlfriend or boyfriend, even maybe moving out of home. Despite how hard it may hurt, or how hard it may be, the hurting is only temporary and you come out the other side as a stronger person. It’s an extremely exciting time one you’ve finished school, I think, because, for me at least, everyday can be spontaneous no matter what, nothing feels tedious yet, and things seem to always surprise me and enlighten me. And you learn that time truly heals most things.

The most valuable thing I have learnt this year is that it’s incredibly important to live in the moment and on your own terms. Embrace the fact that you know nothing because your mind is just starting to open up…and learn. It’s okay to do things that seem utterly stupid sometimes because something good may just come out of it. Don’t worry about money too much. Focus more on making memories because, in the end, you aren’t going to look back and think how you much you enjoyed working but you’ll remember how you spent the money you earned on what you wanted to do…an exciting trip with your favourite people perhaps. One thing I didn’t realise while finishing school was how much scaffolding there was around me: family, friends, teachers, school, routine, and expectations. But when you come out of it all you start to take it apart and rebuild it on your own terms. You have to form your own structure, one that is best for you. No matter how long it may take you to get where you want to be (and you can do it in your own time) don’t deny yourself the opportunity to adjust the scaffolding of your life. Embrace each moment, each feeling, because it’s all part of growing up to be you.

So to my sister Julia, and everyone else who is on the cusp of entering into the next new chapter of their life, I will share with you this quote from Oscar Wilde that my mother shared with me when I was in your position: ‘To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.’ So just live, be the best you can be, be true to yourself and never, ever, just exist.

-D