Lately I have been such a fan of non-fiction books; of books about exceptional humans and their incredible life stories. What made me think, though, is that someone doesn’t have to be of high status or a humanitarian to do good in this world. You just have to be unapologetically yourself and a fan of life to have a positive impact on the world and its people. I thought ‘if these people can make a difference and give life advice to a large group of people, why can’t I?’
So, I decided that’s exactly what I would do. Since I’m an equally big fan of writing, I sat down at my work desk when I had a spare moment some time last year and came up with a list of lessons I think I have learnt over the past few years. This list comprised of the little pieces of ‘wisdom’, if you will, that I thought would be useful to share with any kind of person - a student nearing the end of high school, someone having a mid-life crisis, a single person who is wondering why they’re still single, or just an ‘average joe’ such as yourself (+5 brownie points if your name is actually Joe).
Here are some lessons that I’ve learnt (amongst many others, of course) in my short twenty-odd years of living:
- Try something new: Be curious. Enroll yourself in skill classes, or attend a trivia night. Even if you don't think you're good at something, you might find that you discover a new skill by trying something a little different. You might just be the next Beethoven, but you’ve never picked up an instrument, so how would you know? I attended a life-drawing class with two of my friends this week. I don’t even know how to sketch a decent circle, let alone a nudie person surrounded by an army of easels. I’m also going to try screen-printing next month. I don’t even know what screen-printing is, but it sounds fun. Being curious stimulates your mind and allows you to be a lifelong learner. There are so many weird and wonderful things out there, so go do something a little crazy. Even if you don’t like it, it makes a good story.
- Read, read, read: Visit a bookshop and pick up a book. No, don’t download an e-book. Buy a physical copy of a book and inhale that sweet, sweet scent of ‘new book’. Even if you start by buying the book of your favourite film, or if you pick up a young adult book that satisfies your guilty pleasure of soppy teen romance storylines (I am a sucker for those novels), just find something that interests you even slightly. You will find that with reading comes a greater ability to question the world and the people in it. Reading encourages you to question your surroundings. I always have a highlighter sitting on my bedside table when I read because I usually find that even if I am reading a fictional story about a daddy fish trying to find his lost son (wait a minute…), there will be several quotes that jump out at me and can be applied to a certain aspect of my life. Sometimes a few words can trigger the most complex of thoughts.
- Don’t be afraid of change: I can’t stress how important this point is. If any of you read my piece on anxiety a few months ago, you’ll know that what was holding me back from doing so many exciting things in my life was the inability to accept change. Since realising the importance of being accepting of change, my life has been filled with exciting opportunities and, in turn, I have met a number of truly exceptional people. This might be something as simple as applying for a new job if you have been working at the same place for five years. Since leaving school, I’ve tried a multitude of jobs, from working in a bookshop, to being a ‘check-out chick’, to working as a tutor and an integration aide. I’ve been exposed to lots of different environments and worked with a number of different people. Don’t be afraid to challenge your comfort level.
- Find a best friend, not a boyfriend(/girlfriend): Speaking as a completely objective third party observer with absolutely no personal interest in the matter (+10 brownie points if you got that reference), I think that it is so important to be best friends with the person you decide to be in a relationship with. Don't look for a 'boyfriend' or 'girlfriend' just for the sake of having one - it will never be beneficial for you in the long run. Firstly, if you're scouting for a partner every time you go somewhere (standing behind trees with a binoculars, à la spy-style), you won't find one. I'm almost certain that you will meet someone when you least expect it. I'm sure all of the romantic stuff is nice, but it's not enough to sustain a long-term relationship. You need to be able to get along with that person, and have a decent conversation, and enjoy their company. At twenty years old you may not necessarily marry the person you are with (though, it is possible), but it's good to start figuring out what you value in a relationship. Secondly, don't feel like you need a partner to be happy - my track record is currently non-existent, yet I am incredibly content with my life at the moment. I'm sure it would be lovely to experience things with a significant other, but I am in no rush. When the time comes, it will come.
- Plan a coffee catch-up: How long has it been since you have had a nice, long chat with someone? I don’t mean via Facebook messenger or text message. I’m talking about face-to-face communication (remember that?!). Make it a priority to catch up with a friend that you haven’t seen in a while over coffee (or if you’re not a coffee fan, over hot chocolate or burgers). Aside from the fact that humans are losing the art of socialisation amidst the fast-paced progression of technology, it is really nice to re-connect with someone who you haven’t seen in a little while. Talking to others and having discussions with another person challenges your thoughts and opinions, which is super. Creating a web of connections is also important - meeting people, and having friends of different ethnicities, ages, gender, and occupations, in my opinion, fosters open-mindedness and exposes you to different perspectives and stories.
- Feel comfortable in your own skin: This may seem like a bit of a cliché point, but it is so true. Confidence in yourself and your abilities is so attractive to other people. If happiness, to you, is watching all seven seasons of Gilmore Girls in less than a week on your summer holidays (guilty), or going to a coffee shop in Brunswick with a good book every week (guilty), that's fantastic. You are your own person, and you owe it to yourself to fill your life with moments that make you feel something. Get to know yourself - find what excites you, what makes you curious, what makes you happy - and work towards feeling content with yourself instead of worrying about pleasing others. From knowing who you are and being completely your own person, people will be automatically drawn to you. If Michael Jackson comes on at a party, kick your feet around like a cool cat. If you attend an Ed Sheeran concert, scream until you completely lose your voice. If you still love playing the Sims at twenty years of age, use money cheats and create a brilliant house that you could never realistically afford as a uni student (guilty). Just work towards being the greatest you that you can be.
- Gratitude is an incredibly powerful tool: A lot of people underestimate the importance of showing gratitude. I love writing letters to people for no better reason than to brighten their day. I love going to markets and spotting some little knick-knack that I think one of my friends would really love. By thinking about what you’re thankful for, you reflect on the relationships in your life, and the things in your life that make you happy. By being thankful, and letting others know that you’re blessed to know them, a brilliant cycle begins. Send someone a nice text to make them smile. ake some cookies and put them in your best friend’s letterbox. Write ‘I love you’ on a post-it note and leave it on your mum or dad’s desk for them to find when they’re going to begin a long day in the office. Don't do it expecting something in return, though - your ways of showing gratitude may be completely different to someone else's. You never know when something as small as these little gestures can have the greatest of impacts on a person.
I have many more points on my list of ‘life lessons from a twenty-year old’, but I think I have left enough food for thought for one day. If you got to this point, you did pretty darn well. Maybe by the time you finish reading this post, another will be soon on its way. Continue making your life spectacular. You’re already doing a super job.
-N.
