To me, questions have always been more important than answers. To have the ability to break down why things happen, or what has influenced something, instead of judging something on its face-value makes you a more curious and insightful person, I think. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Think about how many times you have judged a situation solely on what you have heard from others, or from what you have observed, without actually knowing the core of the situation.
I strongly believe that you should judge a person not on what they tell you, but, instead, on what they show you. As much as I love story-telling, I know all too well the likelihood of fabrication throughout the process. Spending time with people, and experiencing things with them - getting to know them, and understanding their views of themselves and others - tells you so much more about who they are and their values. I judge people - in a positive light - on their actions more than anything.
On the contrary, I think that it is sometimes better to be naive in situations, because with naivety often comes open-mindedness. If we are too learned in a certain area and hold very strong opinions, our judgement may be influenced very easily. In some situations, making decisions based on feelings, as opposed to personal beliefs on what is ‘right’ and ‘wrong’, can be more beneficial. From personal experience, when I was in high school I had a very strong mentality whereby it did not matter what I heard about others, I would not take those second-hand views on board. I would very much judge someone’s character on little things such as kind gestures, whether they acknowledged me when I would pass them, or the way they treated people around them. I never put people in ‘boxes’ - ‘clique’ is a word I can’t stand. Cliques are a social divide, and they stop people from getting to know one another. To be accepting and a little naive can often result in building relationships with different sorts of people. These people may challenge your views or see the world from a different perspective, but it is often associating with these people that teaches you a lot about yourself and your acceptance and tolerance of others. There are too many wonderful people in the world to confine yourself to just one group. Break the boundaries - speak to someone that you never thought you would ever speak to. Be the bigger person. Which brings me to my next point.
No one is ‘bad’. Sure, people do silly things and make stupid decisions sometimes, but that is all a part of learning and searching for answers, and these actions are more often than not influenced by past experiences. I once read a quote by Oscar Wilde: “the only difference between the saint and the sinner is that every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future” - it is so important to remember that despite what you or anyone else has been through, there is always opportunity to change your path. You can not change where you have gone, but you can certainly change where you are going.
What you say about others says a lot about yourself. Have an opinion - that makes conversation and interaction interesting - but constantly leave room to question and wonder. Things are always changing, and so too are people. I think that it is so important to constantly reflect on your views of yourself and others, because it makes you a curious and ever-changing person. These inevitable changes - good and bad - are moulding your judgements and decisions each and every day.
-N.
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